What happens when the man who has not found himself tries to change himself? Not much, frankly. The new man is not the old man refurbished and improved. He’s the old man dropped.
We cannot change ourselves by trying to change ourselves. Siddhartha Gautama tried all manner of austerities and penances before quitting them all and becoming the Buddha. Orchids make no effort. Neither shall we.
Do I need what I want? No. What I need, I already have. Getting what I want requires the expenditure of effort. What is acquired through effort will require more effort to protect and maintain. That is what all effort leads to—more effort.
We clear the mind of memories when we lose interest in what we are remembering. This happens naturally, without intention or effort, and hastens as regret and anticipation slink away without saying goodbye.
Let us remind ourselves that none of the virtues—love, forgiveness, generosity, courage et al—require any effort. The only thing effort can do is turn them into a religion.