The personality is built on whatever we identify with. One man is a sports fan; another, a Scientologist. A third man watches pornography; a fourth hyper-cleans his car. Whatever we think or do habitually is the personality. Donald Winnicott called it the false self.
No man who uses pornography can claim to be in a monogamous relationship.
You can consume pornography or you can participate in an intimate relationship. Go with your preference. Pick one or pick the other. But choose, fool: You can’t cross the lake in two boats.
We are quick to see violence in others, slow to see it in ourselves. Humanity is steeped in violence. Are we not human? Where in the teapot is there no taste of tea? Ambition is violence. Winning is violence. Sport and fandom are violent. Wanting is violence. Pornography, politics, poverty and religion are violent. Putting the young in uniforms, training them to kill—this is not violence? Our penitentiaries legalize criminal behaviour in the name of good government. Women are paid less than we are. Our daughters are assaulted, raped, murdered, disappeared. But no, I am not violent. Not me.
A pornography habit will eventually chew the heart out of a relationship. There are more zombie marriages in the culture than we can know.
Habits are hard to break. (When was the last time you broke one?)
A man’s habits obscure his primary fault.
Men's Work 