Fatherhood is a role. Employee, Lover and Victim are roles. Actors demonstrate right relationship to roles. Sir Laurence Olivier never confused himself with King Lear. Off the boards, he was immediately Larry. This was another role, a starring turn in a little drama called “The Story of Me.” Roles don’t matter, only the degree to which we identify with them. What we identify with, we suffer from.
Does patriarchy work? Of course it does! (It works for men.) But things change, and now “wife”, as a serviceable term, stands on the cusp of retirement.
I am not a husband, father or counsellor. These are roles I play, now and then. Off stage, sans make-up and fancy monarchical duds, Laurence Olivier did not introduce himself as King Lear.