The only way to defeat anger is by surrendering to it. Anger resisted is anger invigorated and prolonged. We resist anger when we rationalize it or apportion blame. This empowers anger, turning it into a marauding perma-guest, an entirely negative entity whose sole aim is the complete destruction of our inner peace. Surrender is accomplished by accepting how awful anger feels and then by consciously sinking straight into it, breathing right into its roiling, viral center, doing that for as long as it takes. There’s an alchemical gift at the end of this. The gift isn’t received. It’s revealed.
Right action issues from a place of total acceptance. Wrong action has its roots in resistance. Hence, Nisargadatta’s twisty caution: “Leave alone the reforms. Mind the reformer.”
What has anger loved, touched, created, healed or restored? Whom has it forgiven? The condition from which right action arises is acceptance, not anger. But we’re chronically heedless, still at the altar of our intentions, still doing the right thing for the wrong reasons.
A man is either developed or deformed by adversity. It depends on the attitude he takes when things go wrong, on whether he expands into yes or contracts into no.
After being raped at age eight, Maya Angelou stopped talking. Later she described forgiveness as the best gift we can give ourselves. True forgiveness invokes surrender. Surrender is the province of the strong.