Love can only be known apophatically, that is, in terms of what it isn’t. Thus, love is not romance, not loyalty, not emotion, not anything we can say, point to, or believe in. Herein the humility of love. We don’t know what it is.
According to the apophatic method of self-inquiry, the via negativa of the Desert Fathers, I discover who I am through a process of self-obliteration. By being unflinchingly clear about who I am not. Okay, let’s get started. I am not what I do. I am not what I have done.
I cannot know who I am until I’m clear about who I’m not. So I start with this: I am not the body. Then this: I am not who I think I am.
Wisdom is not knowing what to do; it’s knowing what not to do.
Love, ultimately, can only be talked about in terms of what it isn’t.
Men's Work 