Tag Archives: wanting

Insecurity

Wanting change prevents change. Change happens when we stop wanting. The essential thing is to investigate wanting, to enter the home of insecurity and introduce yourself to the tenant.

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The dove’s cry

Envy is perhaps the least recognized and most operationally subtle of the seven deadly sins. (There are actually nine deadly sins, fear and deceit having been left off the list. The Sufis see them and include them. The West, in its profound state of denial and ignorance about itself, cannot admit what its drivers are.) Envy is the state of continually comparing oneself to others. It happens so continuously that the envious person is usually not conscious of being envious. She (because envy afflicts women disproportionately more than men) feels inflated when she sees herself as better than the other and deflated when she sees herself as worse. Because her powers of discrimination are so great, she sees herself in negative terms most of the time. She is liquid-eyed, emotional, prone to tears. People ask, “What’s wrong? You seem sad.” This question irritates envious people, who are typically unaware of how sad they are, of not measuring up, of feeling guilty, resentful and misunderstood. Envy is a snake; you can’t see it until you’re on top of it. Those who endure this passion (from passio for ‘suffering’) will suffer most of all from an idealized and unattainable version of themselves. Hence, anorexia nervosa, a weakly developed sense of self, deep feelings of insecurity. She cannot separate beauty from pain, from how she feels. (“If I feel it, it must be true!” No, not true.) She is masochism’s tent for a night. Her signature is a lung-emptying sigh. She perks to the sound of the mourning dove.

Money

The culture is exceedingly devout in its worship of money. It is assumed that men in three-piece suits know what they are talking about.

We are fully revealed in our relationship to money, especially by how we part with it.

There is not much to be done with a man who is tighter than three coats of paint. He wants something, seeks an advantage. He cannot love.

Rattus rattus

There is no problem with pleasure, none whatsoever. Until we want more of it. And then, furred and coal-eyed, there it is, a scurry of pain, of not having what we want.

Let come what comes, let go what goes.